Cursed Gift

Why do I not feel happy for them, if they are filled with joy?

I can only think that it’s because I wanted that selfish pleasure to be mine.

I won’t lie to myself, I owe myself that much.

 

Some things will never change, my insufferable yet beautiful passion one of them.

The goosebumps run down my arms and I shiver with the thought of you.

But you are not mine to hold, not mine to lose anymore.

It’s only now that I realize, your joy was my bliss only when your world was mine.

Crumpling, no longer resolute, never resolute with you, without you.

To look inward and face the truth, it’s not really love for you, is it?

How can I love you, if it’s just for the high it gives me?

That must be the truth they see in me, the soul behind the shell;

The me I didn’t know was there.

 

This love isn’t killing me…the struggle inside is.

Can’t let you go, not strong enough; can’t win your heart, not good enough.

They were all right, I am alone…I cut myself off, even as I reached out.

It didn’t have to be this way, but I brought it about.

I won’t lie to myself…I’ve made a grand mess of things.

Tell me I’m immature, that I’m delusional, that I’m dramatic…

That the storm will pass, that it will be nothing years from now.

I know you’re right. We’re specks of dust in a stream of time.

But it means everything to me. What you gave me, was happiness.

 

 

Thanks for reading, and have a great day

Sleep

It’s 12:30

Labs, projects, homework oh my

I need to write a paper, I shouldn’t have waited on

Still feel sore from track practice, and I feel like I could die

Be up all night long, till the dusk gives way to dawn

This suffering self-inflicted, why?

Procrastination

What even, all these years still here?

Took it out, cast it aside, forbade it to ever return

But it came back like like a hidden danger invisible but near

Dreams and hopes to work for, move towards, yearn

No more pain to feel, not even fear

Just fatigue

 

Sleep.

 

 

This is the kind of stuff my mind creates at 1 in the morning. Forgive me, I’ve been busy and it’s been difficult to create novel, and heartfelt work. This one is a pattern, rhyming but also shape? It’s a little rough, but it conveys my point.

 

Thx for reading, have a great day

Silence

“What do you want?”, I ask

A blank stare meets my gaze

Looking into those eyes, I see a glimmer of hope and curiosity

The crinkle of a smile reaches his lips

Then it’s gone

 

“Who are you?”, I ask

A flash of worry streaks across

Looking into his eyes, I see worry, fear even

A shiver passes through

Then stillness

 

“What are your dreams?”

A feeling of confidence sweeps over

Looking into those eyes, I feel worry, loss

Drive but no direction

Then nothing

 

“Why?”

A fissure in my conscience

Looking in the mirror, I feel broken

I don’t know

Then deafening silence

 

 

Thanks for reading, and have a great day.

Drained

Fatigue settles in

The fire sputters today

Yet feels warm inside

 

My attempt at a haiku. Really tired two days in a row, so I apologize if sometime my posts are tiring to read/not so creative. I promise it will get better in time, I just struggled to muster the strength even to stay up and write this 😦

This post was inspired by my deadness that I’m feeling as I try to stay awake haha. Although I feel burnt out, I also feel accomplished and that I was productive. I guess the ultimate goal is to do so much poetry that over time it becomes expressive and good quality, as well as easily to me as I write it.

School is back in, so it’s getting more difficult sometimes to make a daily post. I care a lot about this commitment, and I think it’s a major factor in my improvement of writing through the analysis parts after. I’m going to try to continue every day, but please forgive me if sometimes I don’t make it on time such as now when it’s past 12 and into the next day.

 

As always, let me know what you think, and how I can improve my writing & poetry.

Thank you, and have a great day,

No

The day when I can stand tall and say ‘No’

Is the moment when I know I’ve grown wise

I’ll need nothing by my strength to glow

Have no more anguish and pain to despise

 

The day when I’m braver and act with my heart

I won’t let anything quell my hopes and dreams

I have all the resources, the willpower to start

No reason not to start right now, no rationale it seems

 

So why not say no to those who hold us back

They are of no consequence, make your dreams come true

Don’t care about them, don’t let them give you flack

Open your eyes, and act in line with the values you look to

 

 

Hey. So I wrote this piece a little for myself actually. I need to say no a lot more forcefully. I set boundaries with my own morals, with my time, with myself, but sometimes I let others act against this because they aren’t me. However, this can be really unhealthy towards me…and I’m feeling it. I’ve let this unwillingness to stand firm to others be a weakness in myself.

Because of this, I am writing this post at 11:47 instead of 1 hour earlier, or perhaps even earlier. I’ve given my time away on a busy day, because I didn’t say no strongly enough.

For those of you who may struggle with a similar issue, please think about it. Ask yourself what you value, what comes first. Say no if anything comes between what matters to you most, because it’s in the way whether it’s an activity or event, or someone else who “needs” your help. Chance will have it that they asked a dozen other people, and you could spend your time better than stabbing yourself to help them.

Now, perhaps you might consider me overly cynical in this last regard. However, keep in mind I’m not saying be a jerk and ignore everyone who needs your help. Sometimes people are genuine, more often than not, actually. Just…be careful, and value yourself.

 

As always, feedback and discussion is appreciated.

Thanks for reading, and have a great day.

Time Pressed

Sorry I’m a few minutes late today. Busy stuff, didn’t plan out well enough. Anyways, thought I’d try a new style of poetry today, called the limerick.

 

Acting in haste, moving in a hurry

No time to waste, working in a flurry

With all the time in the world, I’d still feel pressed

In total control of the situation, I’d still be stressed

But in the end it comes together, no need to worry

 

The limerick is a 5 line poem where lines 1, 2, and 5 rhyme, and lines 3 and 4 rhyme as well. I guess I messed up a bit, since lines 1, 2, 5, are also supposed to be longer and I accidentally did the opposite… Next time. Try new things I guess

I was working on a chem project with my partner, and all the time in the world seems to not be enough to finish it.  I got so caught up in it, that I didn’t even realize that I hadn’t done my daily post. So today’s post was about my worries in the project, that we won’t get it done by the deadline, that it won’t be good enough.

Honestly, I have faith in myself. I guess I misjudged my partner though, and now I need to do more than I thought I would have to. It’s a group project…I guess we have to pull through sometimes. But along these lines, I look forward to trying other types of poetry rather than alternating lines and short couplets. Expression no matter how powerful can get stale if done in the same form every time, is it not?

Sorry today’s analysis is a little short. It’s 12:30 here, fatigue is kicking in a bit.

Hope you enjoyed this attempt. As always, feedback is appreciated.

 

Thanks for reading, and have a great day.

Forgetting to Live

(Quick note: Hey, so I know my posting has been sporadic to be generous. I’m going to get back into it, I owe myself this to get better, and I owe you guys as my audience this because you follow and read my content. I’ve found a small pillar of motivation I guess, and I won’t let it fall.)

I think I’ll be trying something different. Normally I write a poem, or write some thought piece. I think occasionally if I can pair them, I’ll just do both.

 

One day you’ll be gone, and they may never know

Your character, your sprit, your soul, your glow

Although someday, your name they may forget

A heart like yours will never sink with regret

 

The muddled words and fleeting thoughts

Mystifying memories that get tied in knots

The tests and exams that we studied for

The joy and pain we remember no more

 

Sometimes you wonder, what for and why

Just a light for a moment, before the goodbye

But there’s so much more, no time to misgive

Open your mind and smile, there’s a life to live

 

 

Hey all, hope you enjoyed this piece. My motivation for this piece came when my dad asked me some questions about biology, and I realized that although I learned it but a year ago, I had already forgotten much of it. It was a bit of sadness, a bit of embarrassment. So afterwards, I went to study a bit, and this theme of forgetting got implanted in my mind…. and okay, this is getting bland, moving on.

Most people when they die are remembered only by family and friends, maybe by students or admirers. But within just a few decades are gone forever. I think it’s a little sad, but then, does it matter? Who knows, were we born with a purpose to accomplish in the world? Regardless, I think it’s more important to live with a bright look, and know that whatever happens, we have an incredible gift, which is life. Sht gets bad, sometimes beyond depressing. Sometimes we lose close ones, work towards a life goal then watch it get taken away. Whatever it is, we suffer and ache. But that’s only one part of the story. The other is of existing, of living by what you believe in, and of finding beauty in the world and in yourself.

It’s beautiful to be alive. I know things are going to get more difficult, that I’m going to hurt, to fail, to break. I know I’m probably more fortunate than most, and I have no right to force my life philosophy upon anyone…but when things get tough and times are hard…remember that you’re alive, and no matter what things can change; you can change them.

Live

 

Thank you for reading, I really do appreciate getting to share my work. Um if you want to, feel free to leave feedback in the comments as to what you prefer to see, how I can improve etc.

Have a wonderful day,