Cursed Gift

Why do I not feel happy for them, if they are filled with joy?

I can only think that it’s because I wanted that selfish pleasure to be mine.

I won’t lie to myself, I owe myself that much.

 

Some things will never change, my insufferable yet beautiful passion one of them.

The goosebumps run down my arms and I shiver with the thought of you.

But you are not mine to hold, not mine to lose anymore.

It’s only now that I realize, your joy was my bliss only when your world was mine.

Crumpling, no longer resolute, never resolute with you, without you.

To look inward and face the truth, it’s not really love for you, is it?

How can I love you, if it’s just for the high it gives me?

That must be the truth they see in me, the soul behind the shell;

The me I didn’t know was there.

 

This love isn’t killing me…the struggle inside is.

Can’t let you go, not strong enough; can’t win your heart, not good enough.

They were all right, I am alone…I cut myself off, even as I reached out.

It didn’t have to be this way, but I brought it about.

I won’t lie to myself…I’ve made a grand mess of things.

Tell me I’m immature, that I’m delusional, that I’m dramatic…

That the storm will pass, that it will be nothing years from now.

I know you’re right. We’re specks of dust in a stream of time.

But it means everything to me. What you gave me, was happiness.

 

 

Thanks for reading, and have a great day

A Speck of Sawdust

You brought me light when things were grim

I won’t give up although I’m not on track

Try to drown my sorrows on any whim

I’ll clench my teeth but I won’t look back

 

Do you see the pain behind a work of art

Hidden words behind a demure smile

The anguish inside ripping them apart

A trace of wonder that’s been there awhile

 

Although one day you’ll forget about me

You’re my heart’s desire, its paradigm

Just another face lost to the endless sea

My face still lights up like the first time

 

I might be lost in a passing breeze, or buried in the time that’s floated on by

I’ve overextended my stay, been a gentlemen and a jackass, but I have to try

I won’t be able to look back years from now, not cry looking you in the eye

It’s selfish I know, but I love you so, and if nothing else just tell you goodbye

 

I know you may not see this, but I’ll show you someday.

I wish things had been different, turned out another way.

 

For X.T.

Je t’aime, toujours.

 

I hope you enjoyed the poem.

Thanks for reading, and have a great day.

Ripples of a Time Gone By

It’s a time gone by, different me a different you

Not sure what I was hoping for…

They call us dreamers, cause we never see it through

Maybe I was trying to open a door

 

I used to wonder, if you thought of me

Hoped to one day take your hand

Take you where you wished to be

Make this world our promised land

 

We were younger then, more foolish too

Tried to treat you like the queen you were

Daydreamed, asked if our love was true

Then our time flew by in a blur

 

 

Reminiscing I guess? I know it seems petty, to have something as trivial as some distant heartbreak as a disturbance in one’s life. I need to wake up, can’t let this trouble me anymore. I don’t know what to think though, but I know this state of sometimes caring, sometimes stone cold can’t continue because it’s hurting me way more than it should.

She cut me out of her life so easily, deftly. Capable like that…keen is the best word to describe her. Quick-minded for problem-solving, but also able to navigate people, find people…people more suited to her friendships, her interests.

The problem’s not so small I guess. On one hand I want to cut her out of my life, let these old wounds heal and disappear. But I also want her in my life…maybe not as the person I fell in love with years ago, but as the person I admire and respect.

It’s a limbo…where the mind fights with itself on what it believes, unable to clearly distinguish what it really thinks, feels.

I’ll end here today, enough depressing stuff.

 

Thank you for reading, and have a great day.

Midnight Memories

(Quick note: sorry for not posting in a bit. Almost didn’t get this one done, but felt a need to get back on track for content. To me, this poem felt like cheerful passion almost transforming into slightly reminiscent melancholy.)

 

You make my heart strings flutter…

I tell myself it’s crazy but

You make the smooth guys stutter

T’say anything less is an undercut

 

You led me all the way there

I was a cause n’ you were the reason

One day a last name we hoped to share

The better half of me, you’d tease in

 

To move forward was all that she asked for

Those times are gone, we know better now

We may not be the same people anymore

But I’ll make things right again…somehow

 

 

To the mistakes that stung, midnight past poetry, and the relationships I ruined.

Thanks for reading, and have a great day.

 

In the Nex.t. Life

When I think of her, it falls like a house of cards

She’s already cut me out, I don’t know how to feel

Trying to put it together, the memories tearing me apart

I’m out of touch,  but I hope with time I’ll heal

 

The roots of the past, planted when I was young

A twisted moral compass, not knowing what was fair

It surfaces now and then, the hurt at being stung

I’ll fall into the unknown, if only I would dare

 

It’s been awhile now, that long time ago

Let go of the hope, let go of the fear

Set the demons free, the past aglow

The past is gone, the future is here

 

Read it backwards line by line for another perspective.

 

Thanks for reading, and have a nice day.

 

A Delicate Flower

She moves smoothly, gracefully across the room

The lilacs of the heart begin to bloom

What else but joy, to lift the gloom

What else but hope, to be love’s perfume

But then a tinge of fear begins to loom

And what could have been now rests entombed

 

Was it nothing, just a precarious thought to think

A shared moment, but not one to interlink

To almost take the leap, but return from the brink

Ask yourself…at the end will you think

Tis a shame that it all passed in a blink

The remorse, knowing you let that ship sink

 

Love is fragile, like a delicate flower

It needs to be cared for, watered at the hour

Neglected and buried, what’s beautiful may sour

But nurtured and indulged, it grants extraordinary power

 

Thanks for reading, and have a great day.