Happy New Year

Hello all, it’s been awhile.

Hope that if anyone reads this, that you had a great 2017 and are excited for the new year.

Last year, I made a bunch of ambitious New Year’s resolutions like many others, and similarly didn’t meet a lot of those goals. This year, I don’t want to make the same mistakes, so I’ll do a quick reflection of last year before I start thinking about this coming year.

Some of these goals were like reading a book every 2 weeks, running at least mile a day, being more upbeat, blogging once a day, and improving relationships. Apart from being quite ambitious, a lot of these required a lot of commitment in time and energy on a daily basis that I failed to supply as the days turned into weeks and then months. Getting up at 6:30 in the morning to brave the cold for a run seemed a lot more compelling at 10:30 the evening before than at 6:20 the morning of. Similarly, reading a book every 2 weeks sounded appealing and scholarly but came second to studying and finishing homework. Spending half an hour to write a blog post was much more difficult than outlining the rough draft of an essay due the next day.

The overall theme between all of these failures is the abandoning of longterm goals in favor of immediate returns. Rather than bite half an hour of sleep off to go for a jog, I would snooze the alarm saying I needed sleep more. Instead of improving my writing as a hobby and passion, I convinced myself that I was improving through my essay-writing.

This leads me to conclude that the issue may not even be with setting audacious yet beneficial goals, but rather in the enforcement mechanism of working towards said goals. When push came to shove, the easiest way was to cut myself some slack rather than toughen up more than ever. In the face of pain and stress, commitment was like a lone torch in a dark and windy night quickly extinguished.

Because of this, I believe a more concrete means of checking myself is necessary. Perhaps for exercise, it would be placing the alarm out of reach of the bed, forcing myself to get up to turn it off. To read more often would be to write a book review every two weeks, posting the valuable insights for others and as proof of my own diligence. Another possibility would be to create a swear jar except as a “failing to meet goals” jar, in which each day I didn’t meet a goal, I put a dollar or x amount in. Through this method, the deterrent of going broke should hopefully be enough to force myself to follow through.

Now to this year’s goals. They’re pretty similar to last year, but now reflected on a bit more and more grounded. My resolutions for this year are:

  1. Complete a sprint distance triathlon (.5 mi swim, 12.4 mi bike, 3.1 mi run). This will be tough since I quit swimming almost two years ago which kept me somewhat fit. I think I’ll have to ease back into it, making a workout plan each week that includes all three sports, in conjunction with a hard deadline by participating in an official event.
  2. Read a book every two weeks. I’m planning out a rough reading list, with major events accounted for such as testing. I think I’ll try my hand at book-reviewing every time I finish a book. Also upon further reflection, I don’t think this schedule may work out after I start college apps over the summer.
  3. Writing blog posts. I don’t know if writing a post every day is feasible given that was a goal last year, and I fell off after 1-2 months. I may make a more relaxed posting schedule, like 3 times a week, with a post on Friday, Sunday, and Tuesday or something. Less frequently is also alright, like once or twice a week given time constraint as long as the quality is maintained.

Sorry this is a few days late, I forgot to hit publish and then realized there were more tweaks to be made.

Excited, but bubbling with nervous energy for the future. Proud to say I went swimming for the first time in a long time, so getting onto that goal of getting back into shape for a short triathlon.


Best of luck with your own resolutions, and take care,



Heavy Thoughts

(Quick note: Just a rant for today. Thoughts, questions, answers to my questions all in one. Perhaps I just need to vent or something.)


I think I may be slightly depressed. I have a few interests, but not many, really. I play the piano, and it’s something that I’ll probably do for the rest of my life, but even so it’s not something that I would do professionally for a living. I write, and it’s nice to be able to create something…writing is a skill that I will hone and value for the rest of my time as well. Do I want to be an author though? I’m not too sure.

I guess I’m not super popular at school, but I have great friends who I can look up to, make jokes with, and complain about homework to. It’s just…I’m not good enough on either end of the spectrum. I’m decently smart, I get alright grades that could be better, and I fare well in the math department. I guess this isn’t the main issue, this can easily be resolved with more time, practice, learning.

Try as I might, I’m a person, and I feel really strong emotions. In a way, this makes my piano that much more meaningful, because without feeling how can one ever feel the music? Anyways…well I notice things. It’s not huge, but it’s the little things.

Like when you sneeze and no one says anything, that’s fine. But then anyone else sneezes and a quarter of the class is praying to god that their heart doesn’t stop and that they don’t catch the next flu pandemic.

My parents notice it too, asking me why I don’t hang out with my friends super often. Sometimes it’s not enough time, but disregarding that I guess it’s simply that I’m not social enough.

Some people are introverts, and they just prefer to be alone. To enjoy oneself, their surroundings, and not have to deal with others. Sometimes this definition works for me, but occasionally I just feel the loneliness and wish that I had company.

I guess that leads me to the next point. I don’t think that I’m even in love anymore, it’s probably just missing the light feeling I used to get from being close to someone special. After all the bs that I’ve done, I don’t see a reason as to why she would still want anything to do with me. Even so, it still hurts no matter the angle you look at it.

Sometimes I find myself studying, working when I feel down. It’s helpful for a moment, but with all the drive I feel from suffering, I realize that I don’t have a direction. I don’t have enough interests to pursue I guess.


The root of the problem is probably somewhere in me. I take the blame not because potentially I’m depressed, but rather for the sake of acknowledging that a problem exists, and that some part of the issue is in my hands, and I can change it.

I guess that’s how my mentality works. I guess that’s how I work.

Until I resolve it, it’ll probably eat me up inside until one day, there’s nothing left but the husk, a stone-cold shell with no purpose but to move in a direction; forward, uncompromising, and without joy.

I don’t want to become that. That’s not what living should be like.


Thank you for reading. If you have any suggestions based on this glimpse of my life and rendition of my feelings, please let me know. Maybe it’s my own struggle but I’ll appreciate any help that I can get.

Thanks, and have a great day.


“What do you want?”, I ask

A blank stare meets my gaze

Looking into those eyes, I see a glimmer of hope and curiosity

The crinkle of a smile reaches his lips

Then it’s gone


“Who are you?”, I ask

A flash of worry streaks across

Looking into his eyes, I see worry, fear even

A shiver passes through

Then stillness


“What are your dreams?”

A feeling of confidence sweeps over

Looking into those eyes, I feel worry, loss

Drive but no direction

Then nothing



A fissure in my conscience

Looking in the mirror, I feel broken

I don’t know

Then deafening silence



Thanks for reading, and have a great day.

Forgetting to Live

(Quick note: Hey, so I know my posting has been sporadic to be generous. I’m going to get back into it, I owe myself this to get better, and I owe you guys as my audience this because you follow and read my content. I’ve found a small pillar of motivation I guess, and I won’t let it fall.)

I think I’ll be trying something different. Normally I write a poem, or write some thought piece. I think occasionally if I can pair them, I’ll just do both.


One day you’ll be gone, and they may never know

Your character, your sprit, your soul, your glow

Although someday, your name they may forget

A heart like yours will never sink with regret


The muddled words and fleeting thoughts

Mystifying memories that get tied in knots

The tests and exams that we studied for

The joy and pain we remember no more


Sometimes you wonder, what for and why

Just a light for a moment, before the goodbye

But there’s so much more, no time to misgive

Open your mind and smile, there’s a life to live



Hey all, hope you enjoyed this piece. My motivation for this piece came when my dad asked me some questions about biology, and I realized that although I learned it but a year ago, I had already forgotten much of it. It was a bit of sadness, a bit of embarrassment. So afterwards, I went to study a bit, and this theme of forgetting got implanted in my mind…. and okay, this is getting bland, moving on.

Most people when they die are remembered only by family and friends, maybe by students or admirers. But within just a few decades are gone forever. I think it’s a little sad, but then, does it matter? Who knows, were we born with a purpose to accomplish in the world? Regardless, I think it’s more important to live with a bright look, and know that whatever happens, we have an incredible gift, which is life. Sht gets bad, sometimes beyond depressing. Sometimes we lose close ones, work towards a life goal then watch it get taken away. Whatever it is, we suffer and ache. But that’s only one part of the story. The other is of existing, of living by what you believe in, and of finding beauty in the world and in yourself.

It’s beautiful to be alive. I know things are going to get more difficult, that I’m going to hurt, to fail, to break. I know I’m probably more fortunate than most, and I have no right to force my life philosophy upon anyone…but when things get tough and times are hard…remember that you’re alive, and no matter what things can change; you can change them.



Thank you for reading, I really do appreciate getting to share my work. Um if you want to, feel free to leave feedback in the comments as to what you prefer to see, how I can improve etc.

Have a wonderful day,


To try, to fail.

To struggle, to fail.

To learn, to fail.

To give one’s best, and fail.

To hurt, and fail.


Sometimes there seems to be no end

Over and over, we try, fumble, and stop

It hurts even as you learn and try again

The wise people say it’s the only way to grow

You fail again, even as you try to understand


Never ending, a vicious cycle descending

A weight of worlds spiraling downwards

Tense breaths as the calm slips away

Again. Get up, analyze, learn, try again

Once more you tell yourself. One more time


Finally arriving, it arrives with the bill

The cost of failure, the resources to try

Rather than anger, only a void to fill

The price is one’s time, sweat and suffering

Even with nothing, you’re left with a gift


Humility. Knowledge. Growth,


It hurts, it burns, it heals, it mends.

Ever-present, either in the moment or by the scars left behind


Thanks for reading, it’s been awhile.

Have a great day