Drift Away

Good evening,

I was thinking maybe I can structure each of the 3 times I post a week to include variety, and also more predictability.

Today I guess I just felt in a more poetic mood, with the rain tapping lightly against the roof with light music in the background.

This poem is called Drift Away, 3 stanzas of free verse. No rhyme scheme, nothing complicated. I wrote this, inspired in the moment by feelings of wonder as well as torment.


The rain falls like dust to the earth

Soft but with touch, lighting against the roof

Clouds roll in as the night deepens

Carrying the weight of drops

As time drifts onward


Thoughts heavy like rain

Pondering, weighing as they descend

Tapping into inner feelings

The envy, conflict, passion surface

Spirit drifting onward


The burden of struggle dissolves

Moonlight peers around the clouds

But then is hidden again

As the rain resumes

Washing hope away



Hope to see you Sunday

Thanks for reading, and have a wonderful day.


Happy New Year

Hello all, it’s been awhile.

Hope that if anyone reads this, that you had a great 2017 and are excited for the new year.

Last year, I made a bunch of ambitious New Year’s resolutions like many others, and similarly didn’t meet a lot of those goals. This year, I don’t want to make the same mistakes, so I’ll do a quick reflection of last year before I start thinking about this coming year.

Some of these goals were like reading a book every 2 weeks, running at least mile a day, being more upbeat, blogging once a day, and improving relationships. Apart from being quite ambitious, a lot of these required a lot of commitment in time and energy on a daily basis that I failed to supply as the days turned into weeks and then months. Getting up at 6:30 in the morning to brave the cold for a run seemed a lot more compelling at 10:30 the evening before than at 6:20 the morning of. Similarly, reading a book every 2 weeks sounded appealing and scholarly but came second to studying and finishing homework. Spending half an hour to write a blog post was much more difficult than outlining the rough draft of an essay due the next day.

The overall theme between all of these failures is the abandoning of longterm goals in favor of immediate returns. Rather than bite half an hour of sleep off to go for a jog, I would snooze the alarm saying I needed sleep more. Instead of improving my writing as a hobby and passion, I convinced myself that I was improving through my essay-writing.

This leads me to conclude that the issue may not even be with setting audacious yet beneficial goals, but rather in the enforcement mechanism of working towards said goals. When push came to shove, the easiest way was to cut myself some slack rather than toughen up more than ever. In the face of pain and stress, commitment was like a lone torch in a dark and windy night quickly extinguished.

Because of this, I believe a more concrete means of checking myself is necessary. Perhaps for exercise, it would be placing the alarm out of reach of the bed, forcing myself to get up to turn it off. To read more often would be to write a book review every two weeks, posting the valuable insights for others and as proof of my own diligence. Another possibility would be to create a swear jar except as a “failing to meet goals” jar, in which each day I didn’t meet a goal, I put a dollar or x amount in. Through this method, the deterrent of going broke should hopefully be enough to force myself to follow through.

Now to this year’s goals. They’re pretty similar to last year, but now reflected on a bit more and more grounded. My resolutions for this year are:

  1. Complete a sprint distance triathlon (.5 mi swim, 12.4 mi bike, 3.1 mi run). This will be tough since I quit swimming almost two years ago which kept me somewhat fit. I think I’ll have to ease back into it, making a workout plan each week that includes all three sports, in conjunction with a hard deadline by participating in an official event.
  2. Read a book every two weeks. I’m planning out a rough reading list, with major events accounted for such as testing. I think I’ll try my hand at book-reviewing every time I finish a book. Also upon further reflection, I don’t think this schedule may work out after I start college apps over the summer.
  3. Writing blog posts. I don’t know if writing a post every day is feasible given that was a goal last year, and I fell off after 1-2 months. I may make a more relaxed posting schedule, like 3 times a week, with a post on Friday, Sunday, and Tuesday or something. Less frequently is also alright, like once or twice a week given time constraint as long as the quality is maintained.

Sorry this is a few days late, I forgot to hit publish and then realized there were more tweaks to be made.

Excited, but bubbling with nervous energy for the future. Proud to say I went swimming for the first time in a long time, so getting onto that goal of getting back into shape for a short triathlon.


Best of luck with your own resolutions, and take care,


Glass Crown

Cautiously touch the edge of a bubble

Peering into the world inside

It collapses to some soapy rubble

I wanted to know, I did I tried


To win but lose, succeed yet fail

Ascending hopes, but crushing fears

The dreams I hold are bright but frail

Elicits a smile on the brink of tears


Weight of my thoughts bearing down

Not knowing if I’m wrong or right

Don’t know if it’s glass or a crown

Upon my head that reflects the light



Hey all, it’s been awhile. I haven’t written since…finals? Forgive me, I’ve been busy but nowhere near enough to suggest that I have 0 time to write. I’ve been working at the lab, doing some homework, debating a bit, that’s about it.

This piece is about how it feels to be alone, outside, not knowing if you’re right, even if others tell you you’re wrong. It’s how it feels to win in word but not in heart, in spirit. It’s how it feels to want something so bad, but not knowing if you can or should, and if you have what it takes, or if it’s just fantasy.

I thought it would be appropriate to note that glass and crown are not mutually exclusive, hence the title. You can interpret that however you wish, or through the same lens as the rest of the analysis.

It’s good to be back.

Thank you for reading, and have a great day

Cursed Gift

Why do I not feel happy for them, if they are filled with joy?

I can only think that it’s because I wanted that selfish pleasure to be mine.

I won’t lie to myself, I owe myself that much.


Some things will never change, my insufferable yet beautiful passion one of them.

The goosebumps run down my arms and I shiver with the thought of you.

But you are not mine to hold, not mine to lose anymore.

It’s only now that I realize, your joy was my bliss only when your world was mine.

Crumpling, no longer resolute, never resolute with you, without you.

To look inward and face the truth, it’s not really love for you, is it?

How can I love you, if it’s just for the high it gives me?

That must be the truth they see in me, the soul behind the shell;

The me I didn’t know was there.


This love isn’t killing me…the struggle inside is.

Can’t let you go, not strong enough; can’t win your heart, not good enough.

They were all right, I am alone…I cut myself off, even as I reached out.

It didn’t have to be this way, but I brought it about.

I won’t lie to myself…I’ve made a grand mess of things.

Tell me I’m immature, that I’m delusional, that I’m dramatic…

That the storm will pass, that it will be nothing years from now.

I know you’re right. We’re specks of dust in a stream of time.

But it means everything to me. What you gave me, was happiness.



Thanks for reading, and have a great day


Sorry, this is just a post to say that I need to put my site on hiatus for the next 2-3 weeks. I have a few AP tests, recitals, driving tests, as well as an essay all due over the next month. Writing is really important to me now, and I plan to continue working on it through all of the writing I’ll need to do over the coming weeks.

I’ll be back asap, and I may post occasionally, but it’s doubtful.

Thanks for bearing with me,

Heavy Thoughts

(Quick note: Just a rant for today. Thoughts, questions, answers to my questions all in one. Perhaps I just need to vent or something.)


I think I may be slightly depressed. I have a few interests, but not many, really. I play the piano, and it’s something that I’ll probably do for the rest of my life, but even so it’s not something that I would do professionally for a living. I write, and it’s nice to be able to create something…writing is a skill that I will hone and value for the rest of my time as well. Do I want to be an author though? I’m not too sure.

I guess I’m not super popular at school, but I have great friends who I can look up to, make jokes with, and complain about homework to. It’s just…I’m not good enough on either end of the spectrum. I’m decently smart, I get alright grades that could be better, and I fare well in the math department. I guess this isn’t the main issue, this can easily be resolved with more time, practice, learning.

Try as I might, I’m a person, and I feel really strong emotions. In a way, this makes my piano that much more meaningful, because without feeling how can one ever feel the music? Anyways…well I notice things. It’s not huge, but it’s the little things.

Like when you sneeze and no one says anything, that’s fine. But then anyone else sneezes and a quarter of the class is praying to god that their heart doesn’t stop and that they don’t catch the next flu pandemic.

My parents notice it too, asking me why I don’t hang out with my friends super often. Sometimes it’s not enough time, but disregarding that I guess it’s simply that I’m not social enough.

Some people are introverts, and they just prefer to be alone. To enjoy oneself, their surroundings, and not have to deal with others. Sometimes this definition works for me, but occasionally I just feel the loneliness and wish that I had company.

I guess that leads me to the next point. I don’t think that I’m even in love anymore, it’s probably just missing the light feeling I used to get from being close to someone special. After all the bs that I’ve done, I don’t see a reason as to why she would still want anything to do with me. Even so, it still hurts no matter the angle you look at it.

Sometimes I find myself studying, working when I feel down. It’s helpful for a moment, but with all the drive I feel from suffering, I realize that I don’t have a direction. I don’t have enough interests to pursue I guess.


The root of the problem is probably somewhere in me. I take the blame not because potentially I’m depressed, but rather for the sake of acknowledging that a problem exists, and that some part of the issue is in my hands, and I can change it.

I guess that’s how my mentality works. I guess that’s how I work.

Until I resolve it, it’ll probably eat me up inside until one day, there’s nothing left but the husk, a stone-cold shell with no purpose but to move in a direction; forward, uncompromising, and without joy.

I don’t want to become that. That’s not what living should be like.


Thank you for reading. If you have any suggestions based on this glimpse of my life and rendition of my feelings, please let me know. Maybe it’s my own struggle but I’ll appreciate any help that I can get.

Thanks, and have a great day.


It’s 12:30

Labs, projects, homework oh my

I need to write a paper, I shouldn’t have waited on

Still feel sore from track practice, and I feel like I could die

Be up all night long, till the dusk gives way to dawn

This suffering self-inflicted, why?


What even, all these years still here?

Took it out, cast it aside, forbade it to ever return

But it came back like like a hidden danger invisible but near

Dreams and hopes to work for, move towards, yearn

No more pain to feel, not even fear

Just fatigue





This is the kind of stuff my mind creates at 1 in the morning. Forgive me, I’ve been busy and it’s been difficult to create novel, and heartfelt work. This one is a pattern, rhyming but also shape? It’s a little rough, but it conveys my point.


Thx for reading, have a great day