Late Night Thoughts–Depression as a Virus?

It’s 1 am again, the world around is frozen

Fatigue clashes with drive, passion, bitterness

Keep going, you think, for there is always more to learn

1 more page, 5 more pages, then 10 more

and another hour has vanished forever

 

The virus is fascinating, is it not?

Neither living nor dead, yet ever present

Sometimes lytic, sometimes lysogenic

Hiding, taking over, and growing outward

until it has consumed the host entirely

 

The virus is like a feeling of dejection

Neither absent nor fully present

Sometimes you bend to its will, crumbling

Sometimes you raise your head to face it

and stare it down with a sad smile

 

It’s 2 am now, the stillness has broadened

Windows shuttering closed, fog looming in

Keep going, you think, for there is still more to learn

Gel electrophoresis separates bands by property…

just as the conscious separates sleep from wakefulness

 

Hey all, this is a poem inspired by my potentially unhealthy study habits over the past few days. Studying bio has become my life as I rush to prepare for a competition in ~17 days time. My reading pace is a little slow because comprehension comes at the price of slowing down for a moment, breathing and reflecting.

Sometimes though, the late hour begins to muddle your thoughts. When I finally hit the section on viruses yesterday, some of these thoughts were beginning to mix with some internal feelings, and I realized simultaneously how dangerous they could be just how unaddressed feelings could spread and consume you.

I’m struggling with a part of my identity––one that reminds me that try as I might, failure is often a result. Because as significant as effort is, at the end of the day it’s not solely the journey, but also the destination that matters. While I know that hard work and cooperation with others can compensate for my weaknesses, it’s challenging to quell the feelings of frustration that sometimes boil up.

 

Anyways, sorry for missing a post a few days ago…I’ll do my best to be active, but I hope you understand when I’m not.

Thank you for reading, and have a great day

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s