Midnight Memories

(Quick note: sorry for not posting in a bit. Almost didn’t get this one done, but felt a need to get back on track for content. To me, this poem felt like cheerful passion almost transforming into slightly reminiscent melancholy.)

 

You make my heart strings flutter…

I tell myself it’s crazy but

You make the smooth guys stutter

T’say anything less is an undercut

 

You led me all the way there

I was a cause n’ you were the reason

One day a last name we hoped to share

The better half of me, you’d tease in

 

To move forward was all that she asked for

Those times are gone, we know better now

We may not be the same people anymore

But I’ll make things right again…somehow

 

 

To the mistakes that stung, midnight past poetry, and the relationships I ruined.

Thanks for reading, and have a great day.

 

It’s Just a Game

“It’s just a game,” the phrase that sore losers say when they don’t win them match, the exasperated plea that parents make with their addicted children, and the attempt at reassurance that you give yourself when you feel yourself getting too attached to the ideas and characters behind the screen.

It’s just a game.

It’s just a game.

It’s just a game.

But sometimes it’s something more. It’s the bond forged between teammates, a surge of euphoria of living another world, and a connection between you and the character. It’s something more, more than a game.

I played a very difficult level in a game…and as a result of dying, my partner and I lost a lot of stamina, the currency to play more levels. That wasn’t the worst part. It was the feeling of having let my partner down that hurt the most. A feeling of failure.

We tried a few more times, we lost a few more times.

We felt strained, we laughed at our failures, we shared our salt.

At the end of the day, it’s just a game…but it’s also so much more than that.

 

Thanks for reading, and have a great day.

Boredom

Boredom is listening to a rant from a teacher about how to live your life and why you should pursue some subject in life. It’s aimlessly surfing the web, hoping for something entertaining to catch your eye. Boredom is something we hope we never experience, but then lament and complain to our friends about later.

I experienced a brief period of boredom for ~40 minutes earlier today. Reading Quora, wandering YouTube, scanning through Facebook. It was unfulfilling, empty, and slightly depressing to be honest, spending time in this form with no clear benefit to provide such a dry and artificial happiness.

The thing about boredom, is that if one is experiencing boredom then one is wasting their time. Life is only so long, and time spent absent-mindedly, hoping for time to pass by is time gone by and never returnable.

It’s a cursed thing, boredom. But instead of being bored, we can choose to entertain ourselves, challenge our spirits and explore our minds. If class bores you, perhaps you dislike the teaching style. Make it into a game, ask your teacher questions that make the class more interesting, talk to them and tell them about what segments and topics you care about, engage in a conversation with the teacher, or your peers on a complex subject. There are countless ways to make the class more interesting in spite of how dull it may appear on the surface. If a task is too menial, too easy, find a way to automize it, find more challenging versions and problems to complete. If there is really nothing to do, reflect upon the events of the day, why people treat you the way they do, or analyze how your past has changed you as a person.

Honestly, I could have done any of these things had I thought of them at the time…the truth is, I care a lot about time, and I believe that most people do. Even at times when I’m busy, stressed out, and managing several things in my life, somehow I managed to find myself a patch of boredom. Now I know though…it’s 40 minutes that I will never get back, but it wasn’t for nothing. I’ve learned a bit about the nature of being bored, and reinforced my appreciation of time.

Never be bored, it’s damaging in so many ways. Make the most of this life because we might not get another.

Thank you, and have a wonderful day.

Confidence

Swaggering, an air of control despite chaos, maybe someone who’s full of themselves. That might be the first thought that comes into your head when you hear that word. However…that might be better represented by arrogant. The truly confident are aware of their goals, aware of their abilities, and acting suave to provide the best mentality for success.

The difference is that the cocky person may not be able to back up their supreme confidence. Sure, they may be pretty good, but are they exceptional, and are they humble enough to learn from those around them? Even the best are willing to stand aside and learn when they meet someone who has superior skill. If the person is too full of themselves, or becomes cocky, it is likely that their display of self-assurance is merely a facade intended to impress others or boost their huge ego a little bit.

The confident person knows that there is chance for failure. However, they don’t let this affect their mentality or thoughts, instead setting it aside as something that doesn’t matter in the moment. They know the extent of their abilities, and what their limits are. They know what the problem is, and that given a good effort they can most likely succeed. Rather than worrying about the chance of failure, and letting the torment hamper their results, instead in the moment it is distanced, like the distractions disappearing as one enters the zone.

Success isn’t certain, any number of things can go wrong. Maybe that day you’re feeling sick and have a match you need to play, maybe you blank on a topic of the exam for 15 minutes, maybe unforeseen traffic issues make you late to an appointment. Something can happen, and throw you off track. That shouldn’t be a big deal though, because things happen. By truly being a learned individual, and knowing your craft, even in times of confusion and turmoil as long as you maintain the calm and collected confidence you can achieve the best of yourself at that moment.

Never lose your calm, never let the panic set in. We can fail, our lives can crumble in front of our eyes, but remember…it’s just an illusion. Failures can lead to success and growth, while personal struggles reveal our flaws and areas of needed reinforcing. By staying clear-headed and confident, we can weather the difficult patches and gradually become someone who others respect for insight and clarity.

Stay confident, not arrogant…but aware and knowledgeable about where you stand in terms of knowledge, skill, passion.

Thanks, and have a great day.

Delusions

We are born with delusions. We think that the world is ours at birth, that we are meant to be served. Only through time and guidance do we learn to act properly and become productive citizens of society.

However, it is up to us to remove, and see through the initial sense of self-entitlement, the idea that we were set here to be almighty and unique. Without realism, the ability to imagine is without a venue for application. Without grounding in reality, the imagination and dreams of grandeur are exactly that: dreams and imagination.

For me…until recently I had this idea that I was really talented at the piano. Sure…I have some musicality, I feel the connection with the music. Can I compose pieces on the spot, play incredibly fast and have perfect technique, or have the innate desire to spend all of my time playing? The answer is no to all of the questions. The thing is, just because I’m not crazy talented doesn’t mean that piano is not worth doing…on the contrary, I see it as something that I can enjoy while being fairly good, and not have to stress about competition. I think piano is a wonderful form of self-expression, a beautiful instrument and definitely something worth trying. It’s a…serious hobby I guess.

That’s a perfectly reasonable approach towards some parts of our lives. If you enjoy drawing, but don’t want to be a professional artist…enjoy doing math contests but don’t like the idea of going into purely theoretical maths, or enjoy swimming but don’t want to be an olympic athlete, it’s always a choice. The future is only set in stone once it has dried and stiffened into the past. Until then every choice is fluid.

By all means, I am in no ways condoning the abandoning of what you enjoy doing, or encouraging everyone to be amateurs. Far from it. Instead, what I think is reasonable is realizing what you want to do in life, and benching the others as smaller parts in one’s life. For me, I don’t want to be a concert pianist when I grow up…so I choose to play for my enjoyment, and occasionally do small competitions. By prioritizing what matters most, you can find time for the things you want to do, want to try.

Distill the delusions of grandeur into acute ambition, and pursue the latter with focus.

Thanks, and have a wonderful day.

Balance of Fear

When your palms get sweaty, and you nervously wipe your brow that you just dried 5 seconds ago. It’s parting your hair excessively, not because it’s in the way but because you need something to do with your hands. The stutter in your first few words before it can blossom into confidence. It’s fear…it makes us human.

Afraid of getting poor grades, afraid of feeling unaccomplished.

Afraid of rejection, afraid of not learning from the failure.

Afraid of losing faith, afraid of losing the ones you love.

Fear makes sure that we don’t endanger the things that we value, but it also holds us back. If you’re afraid to try the difficult task, you will never know your limits. If you’re afraid to tell that person how you feel, tell someone how much you appreciate them…perhaps they will never know. If you’re afraid to make the risk, you will never make the biggest gains.

Life is about finding the balance between acknowledging your fear, and acting in spite of it. Fear is human, and we should acknowledge it, embrace it. There are times where we need to suppress it, but overall it is something that should be seen, met face to face, and then understood.

It’s a part of us, but we can’t let it define us.

 

Thanks for reading, and have a wonderful day.

Victory is Qualitative

Yesterday I left a short anecdote on how sometimes we fight wars that can’t be won. Delaying the inevitable, but never preventing it from happening. That’s how it is with the ending of life, the passing of time, the rotation of this rock we call home as it orbits a fiery ball in space. One day, perhaps life will cease to exist, and thus cease to end as well. Some day, maybe time will end if the Big Crunch (contrary to the Big Bang, where everything condenses after the universe’s expansion slows and then reverses) happens and the universe desists to exist. Maybe the Earth will be hit by asteroids or the Sun will die in a few billion years and even this rotation which to us looks eternal may grind to a halt.

If even things that appear to us indefinite terminate at some point, then what is to say that anything can succeed in the struggle to exist? If one day 5 billion years from now the sun dies, and 99% of life dies except those which thrive near thermal vents, what is to say that our race will continue? If one day the earth’s core runs out of energy, and the vents stop producing heat, what is to say that this life will persist? All living things use energy, and if there is no energy provided then it follows that life cannot exist. At this point, for all we know life in the universe may discontinue forever.

Of course, since there happen to be somewhere around 100 billion habitable planets at the moment, the odds are that somewhere in this vast universe, there is life on other planets. They may be intelligent life forms, they may be single cellular organisms, or something we couldn’t even dream of. The point is, because we can’t discern whether life exists elsewhere, are are incredibly important, the last planet between life and oblivion. However, there is also the certitude that mathematically speaking there is bound to be life that exists elsewhere. We are singular and significant beyond concern, yet also innumerable and the same.

I was reading a book yesterday on the history of cancer The Emperor of All Maladies (recommend it for those interested in biology and the sciences, although there is some tough vocabulary) and it provided not only a thorough perspective on the development of cancer and our medicine throughout the ages, but it also left me with a deep and troubling question. What if the war on cancer is not a fight that can be won because of the vastness and power as well as similarity to ourselves that the disease possesses? With 1500 years since the first recorded instance, cancer has remained a fearsome combatant that adapts to treatment, changes in form, and grows without thought for the host or itself. Even today, many types of cancers have stark odds of survival.

So what is the point, you may ask. The point is that some wars cannot be won. We cannot be immortal as long as our cells die. Time cannot be paused until time itself ceases to exist. Victory cannot be decided until the battle is no longer there.

Because a battle does exist against things such as cancer, sometimes the only way to win is to redefine the meaning of victory. After all, victory is a human construct for an act of defeating an opponent. By choosing to define victory not as the elimination of cancer entirely, but rather making it such that we die of old age before cancer impacts our lives is a reasonable and justifiable idea. At this point in time at least, we as humans are mortal. We are born, we live, and one day we die. The elimination of a fatal disease such as cancer may not even be necessary, as long as we are able to live out the rest of our lives without it impacting us.

This then leads to the question, of how if victory is qualitative in this aspect, would it not be so in others as well?

In our lives, we clash with forces beyond our control, with immense force that we can only imagine. Sometimes, we cannot best them because we are mere mortals in the grand scope of things. To win, we must redefine victory, not as prevailing over that which cannot be defeated, but rather besting ourselves and finding a satisfaction with what we as people have achieved.

 

We cannot live a lie forever, so live the truth as best as you can.

We cannot cheat death forever, so it is best to live a joyous life.

The only thing we can do is cheat the system in the form of redefining victory.

 

I guess this answers a part to my question of what the point of life is. It’s to win. Not against others, not against life and death. It’s the journey that we take…and in the end we can decide whether we have won or not.

Thank you for reading (if you got this far haha,) and let me know what you think about this post and the meaning of victory.