Shattered Reflection #1 1/23

(Quick note, self-reflection type stuff will usually be something more personal which I ponder and analyze a bit. I’ll try to do at least one of these a week, just for self-improvement or to vent.)

 

I sat there, looking slightly bewilderedly at the snapshot. Add friend, it says. I hover a moment, trembling before pressing back. I’m a bit shy, if that’s what you ask, but this time it wasn’t that. This was a person who unfriended me. It wasn’t spite which held me back either. It was puzzlement.

Of course my first reaction was frustration, bitterness, and confusion. I don’t get it, I thought. What did I do to cause this? This initial thought was discarded, and a dozen reasons zipped through my brain: it’s them, people are just so enigmatic. This is why I don’t use a ton of social media, people discard you when they find you uninteresting. After thinking about it intermittently for a few hours, I came to the a realization. It’s all just another reason, a pseudo-shield that you create to protect your ego and hide your insecurity.

Maturity is when a person not only comes to terms with the situation and their mistakes, but acknowledges and ameliorates it to their best degree. Here I was, a person who thought that they were reasonably respectable among his peers, thinking that it was someone else’s fault for un-friending him. This, is what fallacy is. And ego. I guess that it takes a certain amount of realism to convince yourself that yes, things are really the case even if you would prefer to believe otherwise. I have much to learn, and grow as this experience showed me. I would apologize, but a truly contrite individual may not even need to say it out loud (someone told me I say the “s word” too much). I’ll make it up to you, not because you’d ever want me to (honestly, probably pretty fed up with my shit by now), nor because I’m a virtuous person (although I try my best)…the truth, from me to you is a selfish reason. Regret hangs in our heads many years past the incident, when the other party may not even remember what happened all those years ago. I know this will stick with me until I’m old. I want it to remain there, as a moment of growth and understanding rather than one of guilt and lacking finality.

I know that many of you readers are likely better samaritans than I am at the moment, but I ask of you to take a moment to ask yourself: Is there a problem you’ve noticed that may be your fault, and even if it isn’t, what can you do to help?

Thank you, and have a great day.

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